Be Happy

So... this last weekend was rough for me.  I could tell you a million little reasons why it was hard, but there was no real explanation for "this is why I feel down", you know?  You know when you have one of those days (or several days) that just feels hard? When I have those days I try to do things to make me happy, and sometimes I change the way I feel and sometimes I don't.  But something I realized this weekend that I really wanted to share with whoever is willing to listen- too often I give away my own "power" to make myself happy by telling myself I am not in control of the way I feel.  Sometimes I blame the way I feel on other people, on a situation, or on hormones :). And the second that I do that it is much harder to be happy because I no longer am focusing on things that bring real happiness! So I was thinking about this a lot these past few days, decided last night I wanted to write about it, went to bed with all kinds of great thoughts and WHACK- I was hit with reality! My twin babies were up several times last night, I woke up with a piercing headache, one of my two year old twins has been screaming since she woke up (I have no idea why), and my 3 year old boy has decided to make it is his mission to hurt my babies!  Well this morning I kept saying "ok, happiness is up to me! It is my choice to be happy." So with optimism in stride I made oatmeal with my screaming daughter clamoring to my leg, "be happy, be happy, be happy".  I'm mixing away as my son pushes a stool to the medicine cabinet and pushes all the stuff off the counter onto the floor.  I kindly tell him not to do that, and he quickly responds it was an accident.... really? I watched him push it all off with INTENTION! But no big deal right? because I'm happy.  I tell him I need him to pick the stuff up, and move the stool back to the counter, while I dish up portions of oatmeal into two Hello Kitty bowls and one Ninja Turtles bowl (which my son calls Engine Turtles, BTW).  I then proceed to put the bowls in the freezer to cool the oatmeal, anything not tepid my children consider scalding.  As I shut the freezer my screaming daughter wails, throws herself back and smashes her head on our wood floor....ugh.  I try to hold and console her, but she does NOT want to be held!  She proceeds to scream at me, and throws herself back on the wood floor... by now Pharrell's song has taken a minor key in my head and the irony plays on... I will be happy.  Que babies crying in monitor as I place the cooled oatmeal in front of my children.  I quickly try to help my distraught daughter eat as she is not great at feeding herself anything liquidus.  Then my other daughter asks for help, climbs into my lap with her bowl and then strategically tips her bowl upside down over my leg...... ahhh... I'm happy....I ask my son to quickly get me a rag so I can try to gather the oatmeal up before standing, and in his three year old humor he decides that walking slowly to the melody of two crying babies is what I must of meant, and despite my pleas for him to hurry, he makes his way to me at a snails pace, grin across his face, rag waving back and forth tantalizingly.  Well that was just breakfast and the morning followed suit, and I am sure you don't want a play by play, but let me assure you that my new understanding of happiness was challenged. And I am not sure I came out triumphant.  BUT It is naptime right now, and miraculously all five of my children are napping. I have decided that when they wake up they will be greeted with love, hugs, and most of all a mother that is happy.  I am convinced that all of us moms, and anyone really, have a superhero power that we do not take advantage of! (we are really into superhero's at my house right now) We have the power to bring happiness into our home. Last night as I carried my disobedient son into his bedroom to put him down for the night, and placed him in his bed, I gave him kisses on his stomach instead of the lecture I was preparing.  WHY? because I was mad at him, not really controlling my feelings and I didn't want to walk away from putting my son down to bed with regrets.  I wanted him to feel how happy his mom is, regardless of what is going on.  Now, all too often I do not show my children a happy mommy, and I can say EVERYTIME I regret those interactions! I'm not saying that life is butterflies and lollipops, but what I am saying is that we need to all know the truth about how we feel and act.  Sometimes I am unhappy, sad, upset, etc. And really- none of those feelings are bad! But what I have to remember is that when I want to be happy it is up to me!  I am in control of my feelings. I will never have a perfect life, with a husband who can read my mind, kids who never make mistakes, and I need to know I don't need those things to be happy Even if everything is going wrong and my whole life may seem like one big Pinterest fail, I can still be happy.  In my hands I have my own super hero power, but I can also hold my own kryptonite. I want my kids to know that no one is in control of how they feel but them, and the only way I know how to do that is by showing them mom is in control of how she feels.  So next time when everything goes wrong, turn on a song and dance around the kitchen (I did that twice today, and my son kept telling me that it wasn't very nice... that is why I do not dance in public), stand outside in the sun for one minute with your eyes closed, or do SOMETHING for one minute to channel that inner super hero and turn that frown upside down-- you'll be glad you did! No matter what is going on I know we can all find something to smile about. What do you do to make yourself happy? What makes you smile?
Oh, here are a few gems from this morning!